Thursday, September 11, 2008

Life changes

This past year as been a eye opening experiences trying to except the fact that I am single and turning 30. I don't really think is excepting the age thing but truly feeling like you are mature and know were you are going in this life. I have always thought that my life would be full of children always running around me laughing, crying and playing games or tricks on me. All though the kids I have been around have either been work kids and other peoples kids. It has taught me to be more understanding, patent, excepting, and non judgmental.

How do measure someones maturity, responsibility and knows where there life is going? I always thought I that I was person that is grow up but I have come to the conclusion that no one ever really grown up or knows where there life is headed. I think especially this last month that I have had to rely on the Lord to help me find the job I wanted. The really challenging part was when I had to move and there was a place all planed out but then everything went to the wolves. I almost lost it and thought this is it I am never going to find what I want, I am going to have to live out of my car. This was really scary thought to me. I know that would never really happen because I know lots of people in the city. I am at a wonderful home that full of everything I would want in my own home (one day I will have my own House), it clean, inviting, loving people, understanding people, almost a worry free feeling when I am here. I have nothing but respect for the Hirsches. I kept trying to look for places and one day after someone came up to me and said it looks like your going to have a nervous break down. I simply relayed that might just happen. I explained my situation and two days later I have place to live (except with out my cat),. This is really hard for me because I am lonely and found out that I really have NO true friends any more. So once again I am faced with trying to find something I truly like doing. I am learning to live my life and not let life come to me. I have always had the hope of life starting after you get married or have kids but NO it doesn't work that way.
I have so many dreams that I would like and will fulfill one day, I think it trying to except the time line that's not always that time line you like and see for your self. I think keeping the faith is one my biggest trials here on this earth and knowing that the Lord knows me, Loves and wants me to be something he knows I can be. In my Heart that's what I want to be.